Lately I've been thinking a lot about something I like to call the "Filler Moments." I like to think of filler moments as the moments that happen between all the good stuff. It's that moment when the party's over and everyone's gone but you're left to clean up the mess. Or it's that moment when you're driving home from a vacation that you'd been looking forward to for months and now that it's finally over, it's just you in the car with a bag of Corn Nuts and a 32 oz. It's when you're alone on your bed scrolling through your news feed and you see that someone else has, yet again, "said yes to the love of their life" and the most you've done that day is watch 4 episodes of Vampire Diaries (no shame, btw. #teamstefan4lyfe). These moments are not very exciting and definitely not worthy of an Instagram post but they are what occupy 90% of our time. They are what fills the time between moments of excitement, joy, happiness, or any other positive strong emotion word you can think of.
Maybe it's the needy, millennial side of me that finds these moments to be kind of a let down. I crave excitement just like the next person. I even use outlets such as social media when I'm by myself just to feel some sort of connection to the fun, cool, trendy world that we all believe is possible to be a part of 24/7. But does it work? Nope. Do I do it anyway? Yep.
It's during the "Filler Moments" that my mind wanders to a place of let down. I start to irrationally think that because I'm not with someone at every moment of every day or off on another exciting adventure with my homies that I must be doing something wrong. Of course any Baby Boomer parent would stroke my hair with a concerned look on their face and tell me just how twisted my logic is in that statement, but here's the kicker: I'm not the only one that thinks this way. Don't we all get wrapped up in this idea that having cool, hip lives all the time is not only possible but necessary for us to feel joy? Better yet, don't we need to be well-liked by everyone who knows us so we can feel good about ourselves? Don't we all have moments when the number of likes or followers defines our sense of worth and therefore level of happiness? Why is it that we have this intense desire to build a life that is coveted by every outsider? Because we're looking for satisfaction in the wrong places. We aren't going to find it in moments that are few and far between but that get us a lot of instagram likes. Yes, they are wonderful and yes, we want those moments but the majority of our life is involves working, grocery shopping, sleeping and a healthy amount of Netflix.
Today, I was pondering this a lot. Most of my time was spent texting people, checking my snapchat, and running mindless errands all in efforts to make myself feel busy. There was, however, a moment from today that stood out. It wasn't anything special but it was real. It showed a side of someone that was raw and unmasked. It happened while I was at lunch with a friend. She was sitting across from me in sweats, an old high school hoodie, her hair pulled back and zero make-up on her face. Don't get me wrong, my friend is beautiful but I know she's seen better days. There was, however, a part of me that really loved that's what she decided to show up in. Appearance was the last thing on her radar. Her priorities were elsewhere
While we were talking, she was venting about some personal issues she's been having in her life. As the tears started welling up, I could tell we were reaching topics that were close to home for her. We talked about loneliness and disappointment (feelings we can all relate to at some point). I was happy I could be the listening ear that she needed in that moment. For a few short minutes, I had a purpose.
It may have been easy for me to categorize this moment as another filler but it really wasn't that at all. It was two human beings eating food and talking about very real struggles. Struggles we wish weren't there but also struggles that essential parts of life. Unfortunately we usually carry these burdens alone because we are too afraid of "letting our human" show to the people around us.
It made me realize how much of my unhappiness rests on the ideal. There is a part of me that thinks I'm the only one in the world that fights to find purpose all the time. It's the ideal that teaches is that everyone is super confident and pleasant all the time because they're surrounded by friends that love them at every moment of every day. I truly believe, however, that there is light to be found in everyday moments. Being a Christian, I call that God. But even if that's not your thing, there is a secret
So what's the solution? Enjoy the filler moments. Find purpose in the mundane part of life. Embrace your imperfections and love the people around you. Life is filled with a lot of really great moments and if we're not careful we'll slosh those moments in with the grocery shopping and the TV watching. Not only that but pretty soon you'll be left a whole lot of nothing. So be cautious. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you're life is supposed to be any different.
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Monday, March 28, 2016
For The Love
First off, blogging's never been my thing. Truthfully, my initial thoughts were: "Are blogs even a thing anymore? Does the world really need another person blabbing about how awesome their life is or how cute their clothes are or how you can turn your house into this beautiful mansion with $5 dollars and a screwdriver?" Of course that's not what all blogs are about but that was how I built them up in my mind. It felt like another outlet for people to turn the spotlight on them so they could be praised by all their viewers.
So, here's the thing about this blog. It's purpose is mostly to spew my guts out about the real parts of life in hopes of making people feel like they can relate to at least a tiny part of what I say. It's purpose is to bring light to real life problems we all face and sometimes just need to hear that we're not alone to feel better about it.
I was inspired me to start one because one of my biggest pet peeves in life is insincerity. I hate feeling like I have to put on a show for people to be accepted and I hate feeling like that's what people are doing with me. Most of us spend our time trying to convince everyone that we're perfect and that we got it all figured out. We train ourselves to think that if you don't have your ish together there must be something wrong with you. I'll be the first to admit that I definitely fall under this category from time to time AND I HATE IT. My hope is that as I put my real feelings out into the blogging world that it will give courage to people (including myself) to stop the need to put on a show.
This morning I stumbled across one of my friend's blogs. It was moving and beautifully written. It wasn't even about anything traditionally "moving." It was just her. It was genuine. She held nothing back about the things she struggles with and how her life is anything but perfect. She talks about her mental breakdowns, the unkind judgements she sometimes passes, the addiction she has to Diet Coke. The greatest thing she talks about though is how she manages to find peace through her Savior despite the chaos. I was amazed. Why was I so captured with this girl's very normal day-to-day routine? Because I could relate to her.
I also just finished reading a book called "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown. (Totally life-changing. I highly recommend it.) She mentions how often times we think of being brave as not letting the world see our weak spots. However, when we watch someone else be open about their weaknesses, we call it courageous. It really struck a chord with me. The only logical reason I could think of for why we do that is because we're afraid. We're afraid the world will see the real us and think we're undesirable.
It's been a combination of these two experiences that helped me realize that it's not about how high we build our walls that make us powerful or about how perfect we pretend to be. It's about exposing our true selves and letting that side of us be seen. God did not create us to live in fear. Growth does not come from pretending we've already reached perfection. It comes from brushing the dust off after falling flat on our faces and trying again.
I decided to name this post, "For the Love" because of some funny experiences I've had with a dear friend at work. I catch him using this phrase all the time. Every time something goes slightly wrong- "for the love." He forgets his keys inside after we've already made it to the parking lot- "for the love." He drops an orange peel on the ground and sees no practical way of picking it up without dropping the 10 other things he already has in his hands- "for the love." It cracks me up every time I witness one of those moments and it's a good reminder that we're all human. We can expect to make mistakes. Once we capture that, the pressure is off. There's no one left to impress.
Now, you will quickly come to find out that my religious affiliation plays a big role in my views on life. Much of what I say here will probably refer back to that. I'm a strong Christian and find a lot of life's answers through my belief in Jesus Christ. It's because of my relationship with Him that I find peace during some of the hardest times and because of that I will be forever grateful to Him.
To wrap this all up, my main reasoning for starting this personal vent sesh was to be another voice among the many that helps people realize that we're all trying to figure things out and if you think you already have then you're wrong. In the words of Brene Brown, "Courage is showing up and letting yourself be seen."
So, here's the thing about this blog. It's purpose is mostly to spew my guts out about the real parts of life in hopes of making people feel like they can relate to at least a tiny part of what I say. It's purpose is to bring light to real life problems we all face and sometimes just need to hear that we're not alone to feel better about it.
I was inspired me to start one because one of my biggest pet peeves in life is insincerity. I hate feeling like I have to put on a show for people to be accepted and I hate feeling like that's what people are doing with me. Most of us spend our time trying to convince everyone that we're perfect and that we got it all figured out. We train ourselves to think that if you don't have your ish together there must be something wrong with you. I'll be the first to admit that I definitely fall under this category from time to time AND I HATE IT. My hope is that as I put my real feelings out into the blogging world that it will give courage to people (including myself) to stop the need to put on a show.
This morning I stumbled across one of my friend's blogs. It was moving and beautifully written. It wasn't even about anything traditionally "moving." It was just her. It was genuine. She held nothing back about the things she struggles with and how her life is anything but perfect. She talks about her mental breakdowns, the unkind judgements she sometimes passes, the addiction she has to Diet Coke. The greatest thing she talks about though is how she manages to find peace through her Savior despite the chaos. I was amazed. Why was I so captured with this girl's very normal day-to-day routine? Because I could relate to her.
I also just finished reading a book called "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown. (Totally life-changing. I highly recommend it.) She mentions how often times we think of being brave as not letting the world see our weak spots. However, when we watch someone else be open about their weaknesses, we call it courageous. It really struck a chord with me. The only logical reason I could think of for why we do that is because we're afraid. We're afraid the world will see the real us and think we're undesirable.
It's been a combination of these two experiences that helped me realize that it's not about how high we build our walls that make us powerful or about how perfect we pretend to be. It's about exposing our true selves and letting that side of us be seen. God did not create us to live in fear. Growth does not come from pretending we've already reached perfection. It comes from brushing the dust off after falling flat on our faces and trying again.
I decided to name this post, "For the Love" because of some funny experiences I've had with a dear friend at work. I catch him using this phrase all the time. Every time something goes slightly wrong- "for the love." He forgets his keys inside after we've already made it to the parking lot- "for the love." He drops an orange peel on the ground and sees no practical way of picking it up without dropping the 10 other things he already has in his hands- "for the love." It cracks me up every time I witness one of those moments and it's a good reminder that we're all human. We can expect to make mistakes. Once we capture that, the pressure is off. There's no one left to impress.
Now, you will quickly come to find out that my religious affiliation plays a big role in my views on life. Much of what I say here will probably refer back to that. I'm a strong Christian and find a lot of life's answers through my belief in Jesus Christ. It's because of my relationship with Him that I find peace during some of the hardest times and because of that I will be forever grateful to Him.
To wrap this all up, my main reasoning for starting this personal vent sesh was to be another voice among the many that helps people realize that we're all trying to figure things out and if you think you already have then you're wrong. In the words of Brene Brown, "Courage is showing up and letting yourself be seen."
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