Lately I've been thinking a lot about something I like to call the "Filler Moments." I like to think of filler moments as the moments that happen between all the good stuff. It's that moment when the party's over and everyone's gone but you're left to clean up the mess. Or it's that moment when you're driving home from a vacation that you'd been looking forward to for months and now that it's finally over, it's just you in the car with a bag of Corn Nuts and a 32 oz. It's when you're alone on your bed scrolling through your news feed and you see that someone else has, yet again, "said yes to the love of their life" and the most you've done that day is watch 4 episodes of Vampire Diaries (no shame, btw. #teamstefan4lyfe). These moments are not very exciting and definitely not worthy of an Instagram post but they are what occupy 90% of our time. They are what fills the time between moments of excitement, joy, happiness, or any other positive strong emotion word you can think of.
Maybe it's the needy, millennial side of me that finds these moments to be kind of a let down. I crave excitement just like the next person. I even use outlets such as social media when I'm by myself just to feel some sort of connection to the fun, cool, trendy world that we all believe is possible to be a part of 24/7. But does it work? Nope. Do I do it anyway? Yep.
It's during the "Filler Moments" that my mind wanders to a place of let down. I start to irrationally think that because I'm not with someone at every moment of every day or off on another exciting adventure with my homies that I must be doing something wrong. Of course any Baby Boomer parent would stroke my hair with a concerned look on their face and tell me just how twisted my logic is in that statement, but here's the kicker: I'm not the only one that thinks this way. Don't we all get wrapped up in this idea that having cool, hip lives all the time is not only possible but necessary for us to feel joy? Better yet, don't we need to be well-liked by everyone who knows us so we can feel good about ourselves? Don't we all have moments when the number of likes or followers defines our sense of worth and therefore level of happiness? Why is it that we have this intense desire to build a life that is coveted by every outsider? Because we're looking for satisfaction in the wrong places. We aren't going to find it in moments that are few and far between but that get us a lot of instagram likes. Yes, they are wonderful and yes, we want those moments but the majority of our life is involves working, grocery shopping, sleeping and a healthy amount of Netflix.
Today, I was pondering this a lot. Most of my time was spent texting people, checking my snapchat, and running mindless errands all in efforts to make myself feel busy. There was, however, a moment from today that stood out. It wasn't anything special but it was real. It showed a side of someone that was raw and unmasked. It happened while I was at lunch with a friend. She was sitting across from me in sweats, an old high school hoodie, her hair pulled back and zero make-up on her face. Don't get me wrong, my friend is beautiful but I know she's seen better days. There was, however, a part of me that really loved that's what she decided to show up in. Appearance was the last thing on her radar. Her priorities were elsewhere
While we were talking, she was venting about some personal issues she's been having in her life. As the tears started welling up, I could tell we were reaching topics that were close to home for her. We talked about loneliness and disappointment (feelings we can all relate to at some point). I was happy I could be the listening ear that she needed in that moment. For a few short minutes, I had a purpose.
It may have been easy for me to categorize this moment as another filler but it really wasn't that at all. It was two human beings eating food and talking about very real struggles. Struggles we wish weren't there but also struggles that essential parts of life. Unfortunately we usually carry these burdens alone because we are too afraid of "letting our human" show to the people around us.
It made me realize how much of my unhappiness rests on the ideal. There is a part of me that thinks I'm the only one in the world that fights to find purpose all the time. It's the ideal that teaches is that everyone is super confident and pleasant all the time because they're surrounded by friends that love them at every moment of every day. I truly believe, however, that there is light to be found in everyday moments. Being a Christian, I call that God. But even if that's not your thing, there is a secret
So what's the solution? Enjoy the filler moments. Find purpose in the mundane part of life. Embrace your imperfections and love the people around you. Life is filled with a lot of really great moments and if we're not careful we'll slosh those moments in with the grocery shopping and the TV watching. Not only that but pretty soon you'll be left a whole lot of nothing. So be cautious. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you're life is supposed to be any different.
